BONER PARTY!!!

iammattjordan:

When I was 11, I had dreams of making sweet flexible love to the 1996 USA Women’s Gymnastics team.

I was an early bloomer.

it wasn’t until recently that i came to admit to myself that Kerri Strug and i would never consummate. this isn’t so much a “pun” as a brutal revelation i had one night. she was never going to “read Catcher In The Rye” with me and she was never going to “just come hang out one day after practice”; the window of that moment was nearly 13 fucking years ago. the shameless realization of the futility of celebrity crush-dom never felt so heavy as that moment that i realized that.

with a heavy heart, dear readers. with a heavy heart did i let that moment go and let that moment fall to the floor like a polaroid fall from my fingers.

epic. sigh.

hey Allison? we gotta talk. this whole ‘drive me to Staples’ thing day after day? not working out. there’s bus routes, babe. and i dont think you need anymore of that duster stuff because that computer is as cleeeean as a whistle. oh boy.

happy thanksgiving from me and natalie, and the taco truck on Romaine and Western in East Hollywood.

x

no matter what anyone tells you, fucking a catholic school girl is totally, totally, totally over-rated.

in truth and actuality - you have about a three hour window in her ENTIRE lifetime to actually have sex with her and enjoy it. this would be after the graduation ceremony and before the inevitable party where she’ll have more wayward dick put in her than a truck stop urinal. any time after that three hour window and all that repressed sexual energy eventually forces its way out over the course of her 20’s like a Vaginal Crock Pot set to the “Fuck You, Dad” setting.

clembastow:

Daisy Lowe & Catherine McNeil - Terry Richardson for Pirelli Calendar 2010

oh man, now i want to be a tire.

dubliner:

krispayne:

lotusmodern:

bohemea:

Leighton Meester

Ok so I helped make this picture about 3 weeks ago and it’s already on the dashboard? wtf?

What was the shoot for?

my penis.

that’s whats so fucking cool about dating a socialite. she’s going to have so many rad stories about how one time at the

• Paper
• GQ
• Sassy

launch afteryparty she was talked to by

• Jude “Fucking” Law (he added the “Fucking”)
• a fat mime in a little coat
• Michael Cera, on a three day meth binge

and how

• nobody likes a quitter
• racists dont tip
• fat people know where all the exits are

its like playing Mad Libs except there’s cocaine everywhere. sort of like my 8th grade graduation.

lorenrochelle:

LoveBIRDS editorial debut in the NEW issue of FemaleFYI Magazine! Click-thru for article.

my friend Loren is, uh, kind of a babe. also she makes jewelry. also if you’re a girl you should go check it out. also the girl can eat like 50 fucking chicken wings. i’m just saying. go look.

oh, you, Rules Of Attraction Shannyn Sossamon.

oh, you.

no comment needed. of COURSE you can come in the party.

i always wondered why they didn’t have an American Pie spinoff that was just early 00’s Natasha Lyonne squatting over a hand mirror with a flashlight for two hours while Third Eye Blind songs play in the background. i would have totally paid to have seen that.

Wonder Woman really let herself go.