syntheticpubes:

(via typefiend)

WOMEN OF AMERICA. what the fuck. whats with the fucking hoodie-and-jeans ensemble? step it up a notch. i know theres “bros with caps” out there, but trust us, you make the effort and we will too. look at the dude on the left. he will TOTALLY kill the spider in your bathtub. he will TOTALLY listen to how your day was.

i know your current dude “Knows A Dude Who Works At Cinespace” and/or “Lives In A Loft” or “Graduated From College” but come the fuck on, people. women: we will totally make an effort if you do. its a case of one side being too scared that the other one wont make a move. i propose this: we will wear PTF’s (Pants That Fit). you in return will wear SRSYMLUSODIWANE’s (Super Rad Shoes You May Let Us Sniff One Day If We Are Nice Enough). it can build from there.

in 20 years i hope to accomplish what we have here in this picture: dapper chaps and well dressed ladyfriends taking a stroll and having a gay old time, Flintstones style, all over these United States Of America. a new 50’s. think about it. black president and everything. it will be like Back To The Future 2 except everyone will be getting laid more because Juicy Couture went out of business and no woman in their right mind will wear leggings as pants (what is this? Logans Fucking Run?) or the dreaded “flip flops and sassy sweatpants” im-going-to-the-store bullshit that we all see so much.

women, you must make the first move. why? because we are all scared little boys and need guidance towards the greatness that is Dressing Well. lets get Oprah on this shit. does anyone who reads this know Oprah? can we get Oprah to say something about this Declaration Of Bonerpendance? please? we’ll put her on the site. i swear to God, Jesus, and Michael Jackson. lets make it happen. forward thinking, readers. something to ponder.