BONER PARTY!!!

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A celebration of all things boner worthy. email us: bonerpartyparties at gmail (dot) com
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Head Writer: Ned Hepburn
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now, I’m all for “twee”, and “sweatercore”, or whatever you want to call it. i really am. its a great and wonderful thing that we “all have feelings” and “can use quotations to convey real meaning behind two dimensional words”. but have we started something we don’t know how to end? if your car was to break down, do you think Jane McTightPants will know how to change a tire? do YOU know how to change a tire? can you even cook vegan food on a fucking barbeque? does anybody really like vegans anyway? i blame Moby. but i digress. the point is that the inevitable point of overdoing it is upon us. i’m not saying we should all go forge swords and start listening to “DEMONS IN THE HILLLLLS” fantasy metal, not at all. but we should - however - start putting our eggs into other baskets. and not baskets that we bought of of Etsy that have pictures of Kermit The Frog or Tweety Bird sown onto them. where is our arrogance? we elected Obama, for christs-sake. by all means we should have a brilliant punk scene and a large handful of authors and thinkers, but instead all i see is people knitting and hugging and going to see (500) Days Of Summer eight times in a row like nobody ever had a heartfart in their lives before. tangent: i still haven’t seen it yet, mostly because Fox Searchlight didn’t send any damn tickets. however, Patton Oswalt’s people sent out tickets to Big Fan (WHICH LOOKS FANTASTIC) without me even damn asking. yes i’m being a dick about it, but for all the free publicity we gave ‘em they should at least have sent out a $10 ticket. shiiiiiiiiit. this ain’t “The Wire”, people. give and take, give and take. anyway, look. we as a ‘youth movement’ should be arrogant. take a page from Shepard Fairey’s book (literally) and poster the streets with our wants and desires. document all of this. where’s our Jay McInerney and our “Bright Lights Big City”? where’s our damn Public Enemy? hell, we don’t even have a Rage Against The Machine. we’re practically Raging With The Machine like it just bought us a lobster dinner and we’re contemplating giving it a beej in the taxi cab back to its place. Urban Outfitters is owned by a Texas oil magnate. no joke! look it up. how much did you spend on that flannel? $40? it cost about $4 to make. just because something is marketed towards you doesn’t mean you have to buy into it. start questioning things again. arguements agains gentrification and cultural assimilation aside, we’re actually a really smart lil’ generation. but the anger and vitriol is either not coming or taking too long. Pump Up The Volume. Talk Hard. i dunno. lets not lose focus and become “The Sweater Generation”. just start asking questions; there’s nothing worse than being a Rebel Without An Effect.

now, I’m all for “twee”, and “sweatercore”, or whatever you want to call it. i really am. its a great and wonderful thing that we “all have feelings” and “can use quotations to convey real meaning behind two dimensional words”.

but have we started something we don’t know how to end? if your car was to break down, do you think Jane McTightPants will know how to change a tire? do YOU know how to change a tire? can you even cook vegan food on a fucking barbeque? does anybody really like vegans anyway? i blame Moby. but i digress.

the point is that the inevitable point of overdoing it is upon us. i’m not saying we should all go forge swords and start listening to “DEMONS IN THE HILLLLLS” fantasy metal, not at all. but we should - however - start putting our eggs into other baskets. and not baskets that we bought of of Etsy that have pictures of Kermit The Frog or Tweety Bird sown onto them. where is our arrogance? we elected Obama, for christs-sake. by all means we should have a brilliant punk scene and a large handful of authors and thinkers, but instead all i see is people knitting and hugging and going to see (500) Days Of Summer eight times in a row like nobody ever had a heartfart in their lives before.

tangent: i still haven’t seen it yet, mostly because Fox Searchlight didn’t send any damn tickets. however, Patton Oswalt’s people sent out tickets to Big Fan (WHICH LOOKS FANTASTIC) without me even damn asking. yes i’m being a dick about it, but for all the free publicity we gave ‘em they should at least have sent out a $10 ticket. shiiiiiiiiit. this ain’t “The Wire”, people. give and take, give and take.

anyway, look. we as a ‘youth movement’ should be arrogant. take a page from Shepard Fairey’s book (literally) and poster the streets with our wants and desires. document all of this. where’s our Jay McInerney and our “Bright Lights Big City”? where’s our damn Public Enemy? hell, we don’t even have a Rage Against The Machine. we’re practically Raging With The Machine like it just bought us a lobster dinner and we’re contemplating giving it a beej in the taxi cab back to its place. Urban Outfitters is owned by a Texas oil magnate. no joke! look it up. how much did you spend on that flannel? $40? it cost about $4 to make. just because something is marketed towards you doesn’t mean you have to buy into it. start questioning things again.

arguements agains gentrification and cultural assimilation aside, we’re actually a really smart lil’ generation. but the anger and vitriol is either not coming or taking too long. Pump Up The Volume. Talk Hard. i dunno. lets not lose focus and become “The Sweater Generation”. just start asking questions; there’s nothing worse than being a Rebel Without An Effect.

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